Relationships 1
Relationships. Yes, it’s gonna be one of THOSE kinds of posts.
Before I ever was in a serious relationship, I remember listening to my friends tell me all about their guy problems and me telling them, “This guy is a world class jerk!”, “You can do SO much better than him!”, “Girl, leave him. seriously.” Even though my friends, tear-streaked face and all, would always agree with me at the time, more often than not, these bright, intelligent friends of mine, would go back to these men who have done them wrong. The whole thing, the going back and forth, it just NEVER made any sense to me. Until I met my own world class jerk that I couldn’t seem to shake.
It’s always easy to criticize and judge when you are on the outside. There are always such logical and obvious soultions when you aren’t one of the involved parties, but when it’s you in those shoes, logical isn’t always the road you choose. Feelings get involved and make everything so sticky and confusing. Even if you know your guy (or girl) has really hurt you, you somehow find it in your heart to forgive and move on (forgetting takes a little longer). Letting someone go is never an easy thing to do when you truly like or love someone.
Sometimes forgiving and forgetting is the better option. We are only human; we make mistakes, sometimes very STUPID mistakes that we regret full-heartedly. The tricky part is, when do you forgive and forget and when do you just say NO? Or, if you do forgive, how many more times do you forgive before you put your foot down and say no more?
My first real relationship was a real rollercoaster. I was young and naive. Though I like to think he meant well, he really did hurt me a lot throughout the course of our 2 and a half year relationship. He hooked up with a girl during our relationship and lied about it until I found out and dragged it out of him. The last parts of our relationship was the worst. He put me down constantly and killed my self-confidence. I liked him SO much but he treated me like I was so dispensable. After each fight I would feel like I hit rock bottom and I would tell myself (so would my friends) that this was it, that I couldn’t and wouldn’t take anymore of his crap. But once I picked myself up, he would come back into my life saying sorry and asking me to take him back. I was weak, and I wanted to believe he was true and sincere. I always took him back thinking things would be different. Things were never different.
Of course, my story may be a bit more dramatic than most. I truly believe it was an emotionally abusive relationship. None of my friends could understand why I didn’t just walk away. I don’t know. I think a part of me felt like he was the best I could do and that maybe I deserved this and that for the most part it was my fault. It was a very painful relationship. It was one day when I decided that this pain was just NOT worth it. I didn’t care anymore. If he, the boyfriend I loved so much, didn’t care about me and how I felt, then I got to. I had to start caring about myself and securing my happiness.
Alright, this post did deviate a little to a more emo area than I wanted it to. I guess I just wanted to say, forgiving and forgetting is fine, but we all have our limits and it’s important to remember yourself. In the long run, is it worth it?
